An Old-fashioned ‘Standard’

Santa must have been surprised to get Nyel’s request for a 1943 edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette “The Blue Book of Social Usage this past Christmastime. But, since Nyel had apparently been ‘nice’ not ‘naughty’ during the year, his wish was granted and those of us sharing the tree and stocking festivities all asked “why?”

There was no satisfactory answer, of course. There seldom is when sentiment is involved. The best we could learn was that it was a book that he had in his U-Dub days when he was trying to figure out how to face the mysteries of social interaction in the greater world. The world beyond Montpelier, Idaho and even Boise.

The tomb (and I use the term advisedly) contains 913 pages and, according to its cover was the standard authority on correct usage and good taste in every activity of modern social and business life. Always the supreme authority on manners, this famous book answers all the latest questions arising from present day conditions.

A Modern-Day Invitation

Our ‘present-day condition’ is that we’ve sent out 57 invitations to next Sunday’s House Concert and, despite the request for an RSVP, we’ve only heard back from a handful of people. The dilemma, of course, is whether to wait on the off-chance that people are planning to come or to cancel so that the musician won’t be making a trip from Seattle that puts him in the hole, money-wise. In the index I found Regrets and acceptances, 166-180.

Mrs. Post’s advice begins: Formal acceptances or regrets are always written. She goes on to say: An engraved form to be filled in is vulgar. Nothing could be in worse taste than to flaunt your popularity by announcing that it is impossible to answer your numerous invitations without the time-saving device of a printed blank…” Further along, she says: Answers to informal invitations are telephoned, more often than not.

Aaron English in Africa

The pages that follow give many examples of acceptable written responses and possible telephone dialogue for the less formal occasion, but I found nothing that dealt with timing. (And, of course, nothing that dealt with anything as modern as email. The closest was a section on “Use of Telegraph for Invitations.”)

       So, I abandoned my search ala 1943 and went to the modern-up-to-the-minute Emily Post Institute internet site, “Advice, Invitation Etiquette.”  As expected, this is what I found: RSVP from the French, it is short for “Répondez, s’il vous plaît,” or, “Please reply.” This little code has been around for a long time and it tells you that your host wants to know if you will attend. Reply promptly, within a day or two of receiving an invitation, and by the RSVP deadline at the latest, if one is given.

I am reassured that in the matter of expectations, we aren’t such old farts, after all. Perhaps it’s just a matter of too many young whippersnappers on our invitation list!