Friday Night Conversation
When I was in my salad days (an expression I don’t understand because it’s now that I should cut my calories by sticking to salads – back then I could eat anything) there were some stringent, unwritten rules for polite conversation. They were mostly don’ts. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t talk about religion. Don’t talk about politics. When our consciousness began to get raised, race was added as the fourth Topic To Be Avoided.
Supposedly, if you skirted these four biggees, you were safe. That left the weather, local news (read: gossip – which was also a minor no-no), ancient history, and books and movies. Television was still in its infancy and conversations concerning it were limited because everyone didn’t have it yet (leading to another unwritten rule regarding topics of mutual interest and concern.)
Nowadays, those Four Don’t Rules are pretty much a thing of the past. During our Friday night gatherings, I’ve noticed that almost anything goes, but there are varying degrees of comfort among the participants, depending upon their age and the topic. Since I am often one of the oldest members present – and a hostess who feels her responsibilities toward making everyone comfortable – I find that I am frequently a little tentative about the way the conversation flows.
The first serious breech of what I had always taken for granted as ‘polite’ conversation etiquette came into our living room about four years ago. My cousin and her husband were visiting and he (who is always totally outrageous and funny) said during a lull to the company at large: “So what do you think of Barak Obama, anyway?”
Before most of us could process the question, one of the neighbors shot back, “He doesn’t have a prayer of getting the nomination! Not at this time in this country.Trust me!”
I can’t really remember how the rest of the evening went. I think I must have gone into shock. But, a few weeks after the election, at another Friday Night get-together, the same cousin’s husband asked the same neighbor, “Well, what do you think now?” That time there was definitely a collective intake of breath.
Now, as we gear up for another presidential election, I realize that all bets are off polite-conversation-wise. Anything goes and those Four Don’t Rules are out the window. Often all four are discussed at once – almost in the same breath. Sex! Religion! Race! Politics! It’s impossible to have a righteous discussion about the various election campaigns and campaigners without talking about them all.
I blame television, of course, for inserting those topics right into our living rooms whether we want them there or not. Our sensibilities have changed. It hasn’t taken long and it hasn’t been very subtle. The jury is out as to whether “polite conversation” has been improved thereby. It may take me quite a few Friday Nights to figure that out.
Friday nights are a time of sharing friendship and enrichment. There are other times and platforms for the discussing the Four Don’t which require ground rules to be enlighting for all. With the barrage of topics by the media, Friday nights are a shelter from the storm! Thank you Sydney and Nyel