Through My Window
I felt fortunate yesterday afternoon to get a glimpse (and a photograph!) of the newlyweds in town. It was a case of being in the right place (my dining room) at the right time (during their photo shoot at the church.) They were a gorgeous couple and I actually went out on the porch and told them so. Cheeky of me, perhaps.
But, I must say I felt a certain sense of entitlement in so doing. Although I’ve never met the bride, the groom is my cousin – one of the “Red House Cousins.” Upon his request many months ago, I had reserved the church for his wedding even though the plan was to be married out-of-doors if the weather was good. And, as it turned out, it was perfect.
I imagine they were married at the end of their lane with the bay as a backdrop. Several of my other cousins (my second cousins once removed; the groom’s first cousins) have been married there. One was actually married in our garden. And one in the church. We were involved in all those weddings but, strangely (I thought) we weren’t even invited to this wedding. I’m not sure if any Oystervillians were.
Glimpsing the Wedding Tent
When you live (full-time or part-time) in a very small community – Oysterville has 12 full-timers and about twice that many part-timers) – and you host a large event in town, there are two schools of thought as to protocol. They boil down to INclusive (ask everyone) or EXclusive (ask only some.) Some people do it one way, some another. Apparently, even some relatives do it one way and some the other. Go figure.
Last summer there was another big wedding in town – third generation friends who, like the Red House Cousins, don’t live here full-time but wanted to use Oysterville as their wedding backdrop. We weren’t asked to that wedding either (YIKES! A pattern??) but the bride’s mother did have the grace to tell me that they simply “had to draw the line somewhere.” I must confess I still wonder why the line was drawn around our house…
It’s probably bad form to write about these matters. On the other hand, more than one of my blog readers has commented that I make Oysterville sound like an idyllic place to live. And so it is in many respects, but that’s not to imply that we are without the same people problems of other communities. Just sayin’…
Dear Sydney Your photo through the weeds of the wedding venue reminds me of the end of Stella Dallas where Barbara Stanwyck, starring as Stella, has to watch her daughter get married from across the street in the rain while weeping copiously of course. Once again dear, you may be expecting too much from your neighbors and family. In reference to the above weddings, of course the proper thing to do would have been to at least inform the neighbors that an event would be taking place, the date, the time and place(s) so at least the unwashed neighbors (me generally being the least washed) could stay out of the way or at least time their mowing and chainsawing so as not to disturb the assembled throng. As a person who not so secretly hopes that he never has to attend another weeding in the time remaining to him, I am probably the wrong person to be commenting on this,but I do understand why you are a little pissed. Here’s hoping that the future hosts and hostesses of Oysterville have access to some sort of etiquette book so as to alleviate the future stress and hurt feelings of the rest of us.BH
Don’t really know if “pissed” is quite right. Maybe “saddened” — the groom’s grandmother, Barbara Espy Williams, was one of my all-time favorite relatives. (She would have been horrified.) And I consider the groom’s aunts and their daughters my ‘closest’ relatives, even though they are second, not first, cousins. Mostly, I guess it’s always a little humbling to realize that your values aren’t necessarily reciprocated, even by people you assume know better. Yep! “Never assume…” Thanks for your comments, Bradley!
My mother taught me that good manners meant doing the nicest possible thing in the nicest possible way. It’s not like inviting all of Oysterville means adding 200 people. When my brother-in-law throws a big party he invites the whole neighborhood. Actually, if you want a good showing you invite MORE people than you think will accept and make them RSVP. Now that I’m thinking about it, Dave and I should have invited your mother, who was the Church Lady, when we married in ’90! If we have a reprise for our 25th, we will invite Oysterville. Why not? You are right about one thing, they are a handsome couple.