Grandma’s Drawers

I was amused and amazed to see in the news that, with regard to women’s undergarments, thongs are out and ‘granny panties’ (i.e. bikini-cut undies) are in. There were so many things mind-boggling about that entire idea that I feel compelled to comment.

First of all, I am of an age that I could easily have a teen-aged great granddaughter, so I think I qualify to speak as a granny, even though I’m technically not one.   Since when does bikini underwear qualify as ‘granny wear’? Too recent, too trendy, too uncomfortable. And, thongs? In my day those were sandals. You know – the kind that are called flip-flops nowadays.

No, if the fashion houses are talking ‘granny panties,’ I think they have to consider bloomers. That’s what my grandmother wore in her day – the crotchless variety with the inner leg seams tied together. Not fancy, not sexy, just practical.  They were called ‘drawers’ plain and simple.

Parisian Corset Shop, 1920s

And then there were all those other undergarments that were part of my Granny’s wardrobe, at least in her youth. For instance, corsets with their metal hooks, laces up the back, full torso length with garters for the lisle hosiery. Today we would consider them torture instruments of the first order. After they were finally considered passé, they lent themselves to some great stories. One was told by Virginia Williams Jones in her reminiscence “Gin’s Tonic” published in the Summer/Fall 2007 Sou’wester:

            Speaking of corsets reminds me of the time Mama made herself a reducing girdle in the depression. This was a very unique thing. You took an old inner tube, slit it open, measured around your belly, then overlapped it and vulcanized it with tire glue which Dad used to mend flat tires. It was about 16 or 18 inches wide from top to bottom. Over it she wore a net garment she had made with straps over her shoulders and garters to hold up her stockings. The idea was that the heat generated under the inner tube would make you lose weight.

“Gin’s Tonic” Sou’wester, 2007

Well, one time Dad and Mama were in Portland and Mama was shopping at Meier and Frank’s. On their main floor (there was only one big downtown store in those days owned by Julius Meier and Aaron Frank) they had all the sales merchandise of great bargains on tables in the center of the floor. Well, Mama always went nuts if there was a chance to get a bargain – especially yardage or clothes. So she dove right in and pawed through everything when all of a sudden she couldn’t get her breath and had an asthma attack. These came on with excitement every now and then. Well, she decided she needed to go over to Dr. Tracy Parker, the naturopath who helped all the family when they were ailing. His office was only a block away so she went in wheezing and he asked her to take off her clothes, put on a gown, so he could give her a “treatment.” Well, she was so overheated from her prowess at the sales tables that she was actually steaming under the inner tube girdle. She got it part way up over her arms and couldn’t get it either way – up or down – so she had to call for Dr. Parker to come to her aid. He wrestled it off and was very interested in it as he was an old bachelor who lived with his overweight mother. Needless to say, Mama really needed a treatment after that embarrassment on top of her wheezing. sale experience.

Bottom line (so to speak.) I refuse to get my knickers in a twist over this latest fashion trend. Granny Panties, indeed!