Sydney in Oysterville, 1940
In my salad days I was sure that growing up and becoming an adult meant perfect freedom. That translated into doing whatever I wanted without regard for parental rules. Somewhere along the way I was undoubtedly advised that with freedom comes responsibility and, eventually, I ‘got’ that.
Then came the work years and, though I enjoyed my job, I looked forward to eventual retirement so that I could live a life of leisure doing… and then my thoughts grew vague. Traveling? Basking? No schedule? No have-tos? Somehow the reality of retirement life was as unrealistic to me as adulthood had been to my child self.
“And now I are one,” as they say. So where is that relaxation time that I thought would come my way as automatically as gray hair and wrinkles? The reality is that the white spaces on my calendar are as few and far between as ever, I am still scrambling to make ends meet, and I am still fantasizing about taking a leisurely trip now and again.
Retirement Setting 2015
The biggest difference between Before and After Retirement, as far as I can tell, is focus. I can spend more time doing the things that I had to fit in around the edges before. I can still teach but on my own terms, not in lock-step with policies from on high. I have more time to read and to visit and to laugh. And if I want to write all day long I can choose to do that. Perhaps there is relaxation of a sort in being busy.
Or maybe relaxation is to retirement as freedom is to adulthood – a total misconception by those who aren’t there yet. I intend to think more deeply about that when I have a little leisure time.
I find that relaxation is elusive. I work harder now than when I was working. It’s different and so I must rejoice in the difference, but I often miss my student and our banter. Oh yeah, he’s supposed to call me today. Yay!